Courage Is a Decision

If you're easily offended, then this post is probably not for you.  Why?  Simply because I'm going to be encouraging, and based on my recent interactions on FaceBook (many with churchy folks), being encouraging is now offensive.  Oh, the irony...or stupidity.

First lets look at the word PERSPECTIVE which seems to set the average person off.  I've really no idea why that is a trigger word.   There are several definitions to perspective one relating to art, one relating to sound and then the definition to which I'm referring.

Perspective:  a particular attitude toward, or way of regarding something, point of view. Synonyms for perspective are outlook, standpoint, view, position, stand.

Not everyone is the same, and I get that.  But you will look at things from the perspective of your personality.   Some people are more prone to an emotional and/or fear based response to things; some are all rainbows and unicorns and think everything is just sunshine and roses ignoring potential issues;  others are more logical and fact driven. While not all inclusive, the majority of people fall into those three main categories.

Those who are more emotional/fear based will look at things from "worst case scenario" and try to share their fear with others. Those who are all rainbows and unicorns will ignore the facts and possibilities and go to the beach anyway, ahem.   Those who are more fact based will look at the overall situation and information available and speak from a more neutral point of view.

Those first two categories are NOT the people you want leading you, nor are they the people you should be blindly following.  Fear mongers will cause you to shrink back and retreat from your position, leaving you in the victim position. Those rainbow and unicorn people will cause you to act selfishly and stupidly and lead you and others into dire situations.  Those category three leaders who are logical and fact based will tell you straight up "there's a problem, here's what we know, and this is the outcome we're working towards."  

I fall into category #3.  Fear is not something I typically wrestle with, and anyone who has been around me for 60 seconds will tell you that I am not a rainbows and unicorns kind of gal.   However, like any good leader, when I look at the facts and present them, I'll also encourage you that while it may not be good at the moment, we can get through it.

"Fear is a reaction - courage is a decision."  ~Winston Churchill~

For example, in 2018 when Olivia and I traveled to Haiti, all hell broke loose while we were there. We were in the epicenter of the rioting, the murdering and the burning.  I prayed, I helped the leaders of our group formulate an action plan based on where we were, what we could access and set things in place that helped further secure our location and our likelihood of staying safe.  The leaders of our group came to me and told me how glad they were to have me there during that time, because I kept everyone calm and focused on the goal...to live and to get home.  There was no scurrying around wide eyed, there was no "We're all going to die!"   When another missions group took refuge with us, we quickly had to squelch the fear they brought with them.  We walked in peace, the God kind of peace that passes all understanding.

The opportunity to give into fear was great.  We CHOSE to not allow fear to get a foothold.  We CHOSE to trust that God's promises for our protection were true and that He would never leave us or forsake us.  That's not an easy choice when you're in a third world country, with your 16 year old daughter, and you're looking eyeball to eyeball with a man in a mask, holding a rifle and setting fire to things around you. But it's when things are hard that you have to make hard choices and believe Him and take Him at His word.   The few times I was able to communicate back home to my husband, my words were always "All is well."  

So, here we are in the COVID-19 pandemic.   The media is shoving the "we're all going to die" pill down the throats of America and the world.  I do not deny that there's a virus.  I do not deny that people are dying, and I certainly do not think any of those deaths are trivial. Every life has value, and every loss matters.

However, I'm a logical, look at the facts person.  In Virginia, on March 27 there were a total of 604 confirmed cases of the virus.   With the current Virginia population being 8,626,207 that averages out to only 0.00007 percent of Virginians having the virus at that time.   When looking at those statistics, Virginians should have been encouraged to know that despite schools being closed for the rest of the year, all activities closed indefinitely and all churches (for the most part) having closed and gone to live streaming...a very small portion of the population is sick.

Posting that there are currently 7 BILLION people in the world who are not infected set off a firestorm of epic proportions.  Why??  Because fear produces fear...and anything that goes contrary to fear is met with anger (which is just fear in disguise).   Fear is a bully.

I challenge you to take a stand against fear.  Guard yourself against allowing the fear filled world to engulf you. Disconnect from things that feed your fear. Hookup to things that feed your faith.  Shield your children from the fear of the world.  Be their safe harbor in the midst of the storm.  If you're an online presence, then post ONE THING TODAY that promotes peace. (Be prepared for people to not like it, but don't let that stop you.)  Then do it again tomorrow.

Never stop fighting the good fight, and remember, a good fight is the one YOU WIN!

Veterans Day–Get it Straight

I know they say that “ignorance is bliss”, but it’s just not so.   Many people are ignorant about what, or rather who we celebrate on Veteran’s Day.  So let me give you a short lesson.  Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day are two separate holidays, and they are NOT interchangeable.   Veteran’s Day is to honor, and thank, the living men and women who have served in our nation’s military.   Memorial Day is to honor those soldier’s who gave their lives in service.   

Take time to teach these simple, yet profound differences to your children.  Educate yourself if you aren’t sure, but know that they are vastly different and not interchangeable.     I will now step off of my soap box and share photos of our Veteran’s Day parade, which was help this past Saturday.

To those who have served in our military, thank you!

The Perils of Socialization

The whole “socialization” issue is a sore topic among homeschoolers.   We know that our kids are socialized, and people who encounter homeschooled kids know it too.   But there are still those who still just don’t get it.   I had one such encounter recently, and out of it came a better understanding of some or the perils that accompany socialization.    Let me enlighten you.

My perfectly healthy nine year old came home from ballet one Thursday evening with a headache.   I thought little of it as she’d worked pretty hard and hadn’t taken advantage of the water break offered.   I gave her Tylenol and she seemed fine when she went to bed.

Midnight….yes, midnight, the bane of a Mom’s existence.   That line where a Mom crosses from blissful sleep into full blown majorly sick child mode.   HIGH fever, sick headache…nothing else just those two symptoms.   After an hour of intervention the child is back to a fitful sleep, and Mom is semi-asleep listening for any sound that might indicate distress.

10:00am and the afore mentioned child is still sleeping.  This is good, we hope.  That hope is short lived as said child wakes up with an excruciating headache and a high fever.   We head to the doctor.  This is where the socialization issue comes into play, ahem.

After the general admittance procedures the doctor comes in  and I once again relay the child’s only two symptoms of headache and fever.  The doctor thinks it’s strep (what, with no sore throat?)   This educated person then asks the nine year old “Is strep throat going around your school?”   “No ma’am, I’m homeschooled”…and here we go.

“Have you knowingly had her around anyone who is sick?”   “No.”

“Well if she IS homeschooled how would she have picked up strep?”

I resisted the urge to choke the life out of her with her own stethoscope, and replied as politely as I could; “She’s in ballet four days a week, church two days a week and there’s this crazy thing called a park that has OTHER KIDS”.   She scowled at me as she stomped out of the exam room.

The nurse who came in to do the throat swab was very nice.   He said he’d already had to check his own son for strep THREE TIMES this school year.  Ya’ll, school started in  late August…it’s only mid October.  THREE TIMES in approximately six weeks.  Two out of those three times his son DID have strep.    Now there’s something they don’t mention when they start talking “socialization”, now do they?  

What are the chances that in this small town someone from ballet, church or the park goes to school with the nurses’ son?  Pretty.darn.good.   Do doctors ask those parents “did you knowingly have your child around someone who was sick?”  Doubtful.  It just goes to show, even the most educated people can be totally ignorant.

In addition to a positive strep test, here’s what socialization earned us this week.  Thanks, thanks a lot.

A Downward Spiral

We have all heard the statistics that 10% of church members do all the work, while the other 90% sit on their “blessed assurance” each week.  As a church worker for many years, I can STRONGLY attest that yes, this is true.  Anyone who has ever worked in children’s ministry can tell you there are NEVER enough workers.

Sadly, I’m noticing that this same “do for me” attitude has crept into so many aspects of our lives, and the homeschooling community is not exempt.  Stunned silence and indignation are probably your first response, but hear me out.

Homeschool co-ops and support groups are all the rage.   Large, active groups can often have something happening every single day of the week.   There are field trips, group learning activities and play dates to choose from.   What you may not realize is that all of those things don’t just happen, they are planned and organized by someone.  Typically that someone is a homeschool veteran who has been around for a while. 

As homeschooling grows in popularity, we’re seeing that new homeschool families are loving being a part of all of those things, but they aren’t willing to teach a class, organize an event or coordinate a portion of a group.  I have news for you, those homeschool veterans will graduate their last child soon, or at least sooner than you.   Then where does that leave you and your co-op?

Look at the things you and your family count as important.  Maybe it’s a co-op, scouts, 4-H or Awana that your family really enjoys.   Look around at the next gathering and see who’s an active adult participant.  If you live in a small community, you very well may see the same “leaders” at more than one event.   Then ask yourself the simple question “How can I contribute to the success of this program?”   Look for ways to get involved, not just a place to drop your kids and bolt out the door.

At first you may feel a bit out of your comfort zone, a little awkward.  It’ll be a lot less awkward now, learning alongside those veterans than it will be trying to figure it all out on your own when they are gone.

If you live in an area where there really isn’t any type of group activity, guess what, you can start one.  Scary stuff, right?  No, not really.   Look for ways to make opportunities happen, don’t just sit back and wait for someone else to get inspired.

One day you will be the homeschool veteran.  People will  look to you for support and guidance.  Will you be up to the task, or will your group slowly die because everyone expected someone else to take charge?

Yes, They DO Get Bullied

One of the great myths about homeschooling is that your child won’t get bullied.  I hate to burst your bubble, but it happens.   How do I know?  Well, a not so funny thing happened at co-op, ahem..  Now before I go on, if you go to our co-op please don’t ask me who, if your child was involved you already know, if your child wasn’t then you don’t need to know names.  However, here are a few pointers for parents, and kids.

photo credit

Parents:

1.  Follow your gut feeling.  God gave us those instincts for a reason. 

2. When you walk into a room and find your youngest child cornered (literally) by three (yes three) much larger children, ask questions.

3.  When the three much larger children exit the room as soon as they see you, glaring at you as they leave, it’s a given that something’s not quite right.

4.  Take the situation to the parents of all the kids involved.  Parents need to know what’s going on, they can’t handle things they don’t know about. 

5. Make sure you let the leaders of your group know there has been an issue.  Again, they can’t address things they don’t know about.

6.  Teach your child that there is safety in numbers, both physical safety and collaboration of story.

7. Don’t assume that because you are in a homeschool group or church group, everyone there has the same values.  Each family is different, and sometimes the difference can be vast.

8.  Make sure your kids know not to believe everything other kids say, they may be trying to get you in trouble.

9.  Know your children.  Seriously, this whole mess appears to be a cry for attention.  Pay enough attention to your kids to know if they are feeling left out for some reason.  They will get your attention, good or bad.

Kids:

1. Follow your gut feeling.  God gave us those instincts for a reason.

2. Never allow yourself to be separated from the group, by a group.  If several students approach you with “We need to go to another room and talk with you.”  Say no.

3. Tell your parents, teacher or another adult when you are being picked on.

4. Remember there is safety in numbers.  Even if nothing physically bad happens, sometimes you need someone to see/hear what happens so you have a witness.

5.  Older siblings, keep an eye out for your younger brothers and sisters.  They look to you for guidance and protection when your parents aren't’ around.

6.  Don’t believe everything other kids say. They may just be trying to get you into trouble.

Let me give you a short version of this issue to show you how quickly something that is nothing can become something that is BAD.   Lindsey made a friend at co-op.  The friend is two years older than Lindsey, but is in all of Lindsey’s classes.  The friend comes from a large family and is a middle child.  Mom had a baby over the Christmas break.  The friend is apparently having some issues with that.  Lindsey loves babies, always has and always will.  The first week back to co-op, Mom has the baby and Lindsey goes over at lunch and ah’s and oooh’s over the baby.  Pretty normal stuff.  

The problem arises when the friend announces to Lindsey that “real friends don’t go look at the baby and say how cut she is, you’re not a real friend.”   Then the now non-friend starts picking at Lindsey.

Fast forward to this week.  The “non-friend” does something to a smaller childs possessions.  Then she goes to the protective older sister and tells her that Lindsey is the one who did it.  Then insists  that the older sister go confront Lindsey.  The older sister, being a good older sister, rushes to the defense of her younger sister…taking younger sister and the “non-friend” with her.  

Truthfully, at this point there are three victims.  Lindsey obviously, but the older sister and younger sister duo were also victims in the sense that they got sucked into the “non-friends” issue.   Thankfully, Olivia arrived shortly before me and was wise enough to tell Lindsey not to go anywhere with the three girls.   The “non-friends” older sister saw and heard what was happening and backed Lindsey up 100% in her innocence of the entire debacle.

The fact still remains, that something as ridiculous as saying a baby sibling is cute could have really gotten out of hand.  What would have happened had I not walked in?  I don’t know.   I’d like to think that there would have just been some harsh, angry words and a few tears.  However, after watching the unbelievable verbal and physical outburst of the “non-friend” when confronted by the parents of all involved, I’m not so sure.

We don’t have co-op next week, so that gives us almost two full weeks for this situation to die down.  Truthfully though, I’ll be keeping a much closer eye on Lindsey when we return. 

Have you faced a similar situation?  If so, any tips?

Not the Parents Business

While at our local library I picked up a local magazine from a nearby prominent city.  It was the “back to school” edition, so I brought a copy home to see what kinds of tips and wisdom it offered.  Obviously it was geared towards families in which the kids go off to school each day, but still I wanted to check out all the extracurricular advertisements.

One of the articles was “Homework: A Survival Guide”.  I found this to be an interesting  article, in an odd sort of way.  What I thought was odd was the information under the subheading of “What About the Child Who Forgets or Refuses to do Homework?”  The author states that homework is between the teacher and the student, but not the parents business.   The article then goes on to say that the parent should find out through communication with the teacher if the child is doing poorly (ok, or maybe TALK TO YOUR KIDS?)  The author then makes the absurd conclusion that the child is then to make the decision as to whether they will repeat the year or begin doing their work.

Really?  Do you really think a 3rd grade child should have the final decision on such a thing?  No, not a bit. A child will usually pick what feels good, and not doing their school work is going to feel a lot better than hitting the books.

Personally, I think the attitude of it not being “the parent’s business” is the mentality that permeates most of the parenting world these days.   It is a parents business if their child isn’t doing their work.  It is a parents business if the child is failing.  Just like it is the parents business if their 13 year old is given “the morning after pill” at school.   I’ll save that topic for a different post.

The author blamed the lack of completed homework on the fact that it’s not entertaining and engaging enough.  We’re raising a world full of people who are being entertained to death.   There are wonderful public and private school teachers out there.  They are teachers, not entertainers, or babysitters.

Where have all the parents gone?